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Who Is The One I Call To When I Sleep?

Updated: Jun 4

Can a new life start while asleep?

Tenderness that I haven't known in years wraps its arms around me. The warmth and unimaginable coziness of its hidden furs had welcomed me with open arms. My body feels completely pain-free, and my mind is clear of all concerns. The physical part of me wants to savor this moment of opulence, but I can't help but wonder if this is really as relaxing as it seems.

The brightness of the clouds surrounding me sends a slight pinch of uncomfortableness, causing me to squint upon opening my eyes. While adjusting my vision, sorrow swells within my chest. The beauty of bright nothingness assures me that I've died, again.

Rising from my comfort, I lose my will to move, my body drops back into its resting place, and my vision stills on an image in the distance. Tightness summons a suffocating throb that pounds at my chest. Uncontrollably a tear falls.

From out of the glare of the lights he glides, dressed in a crisp white suit. I wait eagerly, despite the fact that I have no idea what I'm waiting for. His every step closer has me excited for the next. When he approaches close, the tears start to flow even more rapidly. It's almost as though my tears are a silent signal to him. In anticipation of his arrival, I sit up. As I do, he stops.

Distant murmurs echo when his lips move. I climb to my feet. He speaks again. Once more, I only hear mumbles. A sense of urgency in the tone of the last of his whispers, caused me to feel a sudden and intense sense of fear. As fast as I can, I make my way toward him. I can almost make out what he's saying and see his face.


My feet fumble into one another, and my knees buckle. He's vanished. My head feels heavy, so I let it drop. My eyelids are weak, so I allow them to rest, and my body numbs with grief, so I let it mourn. I've lost all willingness to engage in any fight to understand what is happening to me. Never have I felt such a sense of loss. As if my soul has also disappeared.

A harsh breeze pushes me onto my back. Somehow, I thought the clouds would catch me as I fell back into the safety and security that had just moments before embraced me so tenderly. I was wrong. A moment for acceptance develops during the seemingly endless decline. Of what? The end, of course. As the clouds become distant in my view, so does my existence. Will I finally be at peace?

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